I am obsessed with freedom. I'm always chasing it; I'm miserable when I don't have it. I forget that it's what I want more than anything in the world, because it is the deepest current that flows through me. It's such a part of me that I forget to acknowledge it.
I need freedom because I am an obligated person. I greatly feel the need to live up to my word. I commit to things and will kill myself to live up to the commitment, because my parents taught me the importance of doing what you say you'll do. I continue to believe in this importance, but oftentimes my chains are of my own fashioning. I feel this incredible obligation to succeed, to work my hardest, to "move ahead"--the fact that the actual meaning behind these words is worth rethinking is besides the momentary point--but to whom do I owe these things? Everyone important in my life wants nothing more than my happiness and wholeness. I am the culprit. This pressure is coming from an internal source. And it's why I need freedom. So that I can see the options and choose where to place my obliging nature. There is no use in me struggling through for the sake of proving to myself that I can.
I don't think that I can necessarily manufacture this freedom. I understand that life sometimes brings you places that suffocate and there is no way out. Freedom is a gift, and a state of mind. And even that is not something I alone can create. I think it's truly the will of God: It is for freedom I have set you free.
I am going to write again, because it is freeing. And because I'm a Jesus-loving, Loma hipster. No shame.
I need freedom because I am an obligated person. I greatly feel the need to live up to my word. I commit to things and will kill myself to live up to the commitment, because my parents taught me the importance of doing what you say you'll do. I continue to believe in this importance, but oftentimes my chains are of my own fashioning. I feel this incredible obligation to succeed, to work my hardest, to "move ahead"--the fact that the actual meaning behind these words is worth rethinking is besides the momentary point--but to whom do I owe these things? Everyone important in my life wants nothing more than my happiness and wholeness. I am the culprit. This pressure is coming from an internal source. And it's why I need freedom. So that I can see the options and choose where to place my obliging nature. There is no use in me struggling through for the sake of proving to myself that I can.
I don't think that I can necessarily manufacture this freedom. I understand that life sometimes brings you places that suffocate and there is no way out. Freedom is a gift, and a state of mind. And even that is not something I alone can create. I think it's truly the will of God: It is for freedom I have set you free.
I am going to write again, because it is freeing. And because I'm a Jesus-loving, Loma hipster. No shame.
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